The Idea of Celibacy

Partly due to the ambitious schedule I plan for myself, drought has definitely set in for me. Let me see, it has been what, more than 3 months already I'm celibate? Hmm...friends who know me will be laughing. Did I purposely arrange my life in such a way that I do not have anymore time to think about it? Not really, I'll tell you why...

It's not that I don't enjoy it anymore, I still do. It is just coming to a point in life you decide you would like to stop thinking about relationships for the meantime, and many ideas just flow into your mind. There's just so many things you suddenly want to do. Spending time with parents is one thing. Having a baby niece recently has made my parents' visits here more often and I'm thankful for that. I get to see them more. Travel, for sure. Internet activities, which include blogging, it's just therapeutic, to be able to express and share online. Increased outings and plans with friends, my usual movies, DVDs etc, there's just not enough time.

Did I have the opportunity to curb away from this celibacy cycle? My life basically evolves around people and activities that do not really give me much opportunities. I dislike going out to clubs nowadays, not really motivated to do outings for mingling and knowing new friends, I do not go to 'places' where most would go for 'recreation'. So really, I would say I consciously planned my life in a way that drought is definitely gonna set in sooner or later LOL

But the thing is, opportunities still remain there, although not many. This married guy, let's call him FEZ, still contacts me like at least once a week. Last month was rather frequent, as he wanted to really meet up, saying that he would not have much opportunities to meet up anymore once he started working at the same place with his wife. Blame it on timing, or just plain laziness on my side, or perhaps I'm not sure really, my NO's just came off so much easier nowadays. True enough once he started working at this new place with his wife, FEZ could hardly even make phone calls to me nowadays. FEZ is one of those cases it took me like ages to finally give in, and I quite enjoyed it to be honest for that very few times it happened. But somehow I am just not motivated at all when opportunity arises. Somehow, I would rather go to a good movie with a good friend, or dining at a nice restaurant chit-chatting with friends.

So, am I going towards this direction of accepting celibacy? LOL I don't think so. I just feel it's this phase of my life where other things in life matter more, that's all. After all, I've spent like what, 70% of my life attached to someone since school days, until uni days, until working life. Maybe I needed a break. Having someone to love is really great, but there are also so many things which we can do for ourselves, which we cannot do at greath lengths if we were attached with someone, and they can be very therapeutic and emotionally rewarding.
But I suppose human need human after all, in whichever ways, be it family, friends or lovers. Lately these 2 weeks I've been starting to miss one particular person a lot. Someone I am not at all suppose to miss, and I hated myself for it. After some deliberation I concluded it was because I was lonely, despite all the hectic schedule. Erm, not that I'm gonna make any radical changes at this point, but definitely worth pondering further how OK I am if I were to go fully celibate LOL But I get a feeling I will be so when I'm like 50? Very possible...